Memory Lane: “Stinks Like Cheese In Here” & Other Stories As A Private Chauffeur

Allow me to carry your suitcase, sir!

I’m getting hot under the collar. I have to pick up the Director of the Department of Agriculture from a neighboring state. He was in town for a conference and I have to rush him to the airport. He’s already 20 minutes late and he might miss his commercial flight. If a government plane was waiting for him, it would be a different story.

But this is not my lucky day.

“The Boys”

In my haste to get him to the airport, I take a sharp turn off the hotel driveway. I find myself at the stop light in the oncoming lane of the six-lane boulevard. That’s why I’m a bit uneasy. The light is red and the director is looking at me wondering what the hell I’m doing. He looks at his two aides sitting in the back of the Chevrolet Caprice. They remain mute.

He can no longer keep his tongue. “Well, wait till I tell the boys back home.” I keep looking ahead pretending that I know what I’m doing as a chauffeur to high-ranking politicians. The “boys” he is talking about are the police officers who usually drive him around when he is home. But whenever he visits our neck of the woods, I drive him.

On top of that, I have to turn left.

Calm & Collected

I don’t say a word and keep looking straight ahead. Somehow, I’m relaxed and know that everything is going to be alright now that I have my passengers in my care. There is a car facing us across the intersection and the driver is also wondering what I’m doing in his lane. The Caprice may be helping. It could be perceived as an unmarked cruiser. For all he knows, the occupants could be undercover officers wearing suits.

The light turns green and I floor it. As if it were my right of way, I make my turn and end up in the proper lane. The director is shaking his head, smiling. I get him to the airport just in time and he makes his flight.

I’ve had countless adventures like this: taking one minister and my boss to a reunion, then waiting for them as they had to go to another meeting. Again, they were running late. Most of the driving was taking place on the highway but unfortunately, it was bumper to bumper. So, I simply drove the car on the shoulder for just about the entire trip. A few people got upset, honking their horns as we zipped by, but I saved a lot of time. My passengers never said anything.

Better Late Than Never

The life of a chauffeur ain’t always easy, especially when you are fighting the clock and your passengers have no clue on how long it takes to go from point A to point B in a large, congested city. Other times, they tell you at the last minute they are arriving. I got a phone call once from the aide of another director. “The director will be arriving in a government plane at the downtown airport in about 10 minutes.”

Would it kill you to give me better advanced warning? I can probably make it to the airport in 10 minutes since the office is downtown. Unfortunately, the downtown airport is on an island and I have to take a short ferry trip to get there.

I run to the car, and coming out of the parkade, I take a turn where I should not be taking a turn. Of course, there is a cop, on a bicycle no less, and he catches up to me. I give him my government ID card and driver’s license and explain why I took the illegal turn. I’m verbally hurrying him to let me go along otherwise I’ll be late. He doesn’t like my tone of voice, but allows me to proceed without a ticket.

Government Planes

I make it to the ferry ramp. The ferry is on the other side. Figures. I wait, not so patiently. It’s a five-minute crossing of a canal. It takes longer to load and unload the cars but I finally make it.

The aide had the timing wrong, and I arrive next to the tarmac as the plane is on final approach. It’s an F-27 Fairchild-Hiller and the pilot will need the entire runway to land. If he misses, the plane is in the water. Those guys are good and he brings the aircraft around to where I’m parked. The director disembarks and he and his entourage pile up in my car. The plane will wait for them. It’s only a day trip. I don’t think there is a pilot’s lounge at the tiny island airport.

A couple of years later, I picked up another director of agriculture; a different one. Politics is a tough business and people come and go. He was accompanied by his wife and triplets. I drove them to their hotel so they could check in. I waited, as I had to drive the minister to another hotel for a meeting. After I dropped him off, I returned to his hotel to pick up his wife and children. I was instructed to give them a tour of the city.

Excuse The Cheese Please

The director’s visit coincided with a huge agricultural fair taking place in town, and his department had a kiosk showcasing cheeses from various regions of his state. The fair was closing for the day and I had to pack up all the cheese and bring it back to the office. There wasn’t a fridge at the fair, but we had one at my place of work. I loaded up about 200 lbs. of cheese in the trunk. It took a while. As I was about to go unload it, I realized I needed to take the director to a banquet.

He made his way back to the hotel because I was busy giving a tour to his family. I open the door and he gets in the car. He’s all decked out in a tuxedo. I can see in the rearview mirror that he is looking around, sniffing. “It stinks of cheese in here.” He blurts out.

“Well, sir” I explain to him . . . “I didn’t have time to unload it.” I tell him the story but he was worried, I guess, that he would smell of cheese when he got out of the car. He wasn’t happy.

Fido’s Bite

Another time, I had to drive the Consul of Peru. For some reason, Peru had a consulate in our city. He wanted to go to a branch of the American Kennel Club to have his purebred dogs registered with the AKC. “Are your dogs nice?” I surprised myself asking the consul.

“No. They are not nice. They stay inside my compound and if someone manages to climb the eight-foot wall to invade my property, the dogs will shred them to pieces. There’s a lot of crime in Lima.”

“Oh, Okay,” I thought.

His request to have his dogs registered was denied.

Close Calls & Juicy Gossip

I never experienced close calls, accident-wise, except one time when I was making a turn. One of those crazy bike couriers came from nowhere and slid on the wet pavement in front of the car. I stopped in time and didn’t hit him. My boss was sitting in the car with two high-ranking politicians.

You hear juicy tidbits as a chauffeur, but it’s not that glamorous of a job, unless you work for a wealthy patron who pays you handsomely. I learned the main preoccupation of politicians is to stay in power. I’ve driven all sorts of people; from CEOs to famous artists, and a lot of elected officials and their subordinates. The defensive driving course I had previously taken served me to no end, and still does to this day.

Being a chauffeur was fun, since I enjoy driving, and I got to know the city by heart.

Michael Bellamy is the author of our Memory Lane series, a collection of work that examines the unique relationships we have with automobiles. Bellamy has held a number of unique jobs over the years, including a helicopter pilot and chauffeur to high-ranking politicians. He enjoys driving his 1997 Lincoln Mark VIII LSC and 2003 Dodge Dakota. 

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Fine Tuning: The evolution of Auto Fabrica’s new SR500s

In the custom world, stagnation is terminal. Which is why top outfits like Auto Fabrica are constantly evolving. And their new Yamaha SR500 ‘Type 7’ builds testify to this.

There’s a clear progression from their first Type 7 to the exquisite Type 7X. Now they’ve taken another step forward, by taking a small step back.

The new Yamahas pictured here are the Type 7D (metallic black, above) and 7E (gloss white, below). Like the 7X, they’re both built on SR500s—but they’re devoid of the 7X’s complex bespoke tank, and its integrated exhaust heat shield.

Why the simpler design? “The Type 7X was a concept,” explain Auto Fabrica. “The idea of running the pipe high and integrating it into the bodywork was always appealing, and building around obstacles offers great opportunity to design and create something awesome.”

“The Type 7D and 7E are built as a more cost effective option to the Type 7X, taking the off-road adventure theme into adventure reality.”

Both these bikes started out as 1980-model SR500s. AF started by stripping them down, and rebuilding their motors with new bearings, high-compression pistons and gas flowed heads. Both are running Mikuni VM34 carbs with foam filters too.

The engines look brand new too. That’s because they’ve been aqua blasted, and the bare aluminum treated to protect it from the elements. AF also stripped out all the wiring, replacing it with fresh, modern components. (The ignitions are now hiding under the tanks.)

The frames were de-tabbed, and then cleaned up at the rear with a new loop to match the new seats. Like the 7X (but unlike earlier Type 7s), the rear light is a petite LED embedded in the frame.

Both bikes wear their stock tanks, but they’ve been liberated of their seams, and treated to custom filler caps. This sort of consideration for small aesthetic details is rampant throughout Auto Fabrica’s work.

It’s especially reflected in the seats: the 7D’s is wrapped in black suede, and the 7E’s in a dark navy, water resistant canvas. Both are capped off with metallic AF badges.

Then there’s that scrambler-ific exhaust design. “Like The 7X, the bikes have bespoke, hand-made sand-bent exhausts,” AF tell us, “running up high, so the bikes can wade through high rivers and greatly improve the ground clearance, making this a real go-anywhere machine, as well as a distinctive design feature.” Custom heat shields and black ceramic coating help to reduce heat.

Taking the off-road theme further, AF have wrapped the SR’s stock 19F/18R wheels in Mitas trials rubber. Look closely, and you’ll spot drum brakes up front—a particularly classic touch, thanks to the addition of Yamaha XT500 hubs.

The suspension’s had a bit of a boost too, with Hagon shocks out back and stiffer springs up front. Hand-made aluminum mudguards at both ends keep muck out of the rider’s face and away from the intake.

Up top, each SR500 is sporting a super-sano cockpit, with Renthal bars, leather grips and a min speedo on a custom bracket. All the switches sit on single, left-side switch clusters. AF have even added oil temp gauges for day-to-day practicality.

Sprinkled throughout the bikes you’ll find neat details like tiny barrel turn signals, upgraded rider and passenger pegs, and leather wraps on the kick-start levers.

The new SR500s are as classy as we’ve come to expect from the London shop—right down to the subtle black and white paint jobs. But they also look like they’d hold up pretty well to some off-road shenanigans.

And while the 7D and 7E might not be as elaborate as the 7X, they’re just as cool. Which leaves us with only one question.

Would you take the black one, or the white?

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2019 Hyundai Santa Fe: The Most Amazing Girl In School

I’ve always had a crush on the Hyundai Santa Fe. It’s like I am back during those awkward early high school years. My chubby cheeks and braces have returned. I’m fat. So fat. And the Hyundai Santa Fe is the girl; you know, the valedictorian who is going to a prestigious university and will become a boss lawyer. Every guy is in love with her and I suddenly, on a whim, decide to ask her to the winter formal.

Except I don’t ever get the courage to ask her out.

Friend Zone

This describes my relationship with the Hyundai Santa Fe. Despite my work in the automotive industry, I’ve never driven one. Never even been close. Never even been a passenger in one. I have simply marveled from afar, even going to Hyundai dealerships after they are closed to look at them. I realize this is nuts. I like a lot of vehicles – it’s a side effect of this profession – but the Santa Fe just really stands out to me.

Power & Performance

The most amazing girl in school just become more so with a new diesel engine in the mix for 2019. In total, the new Santa Fe will offer three engines: a 2.4-liter inline four-cylinder with 185 horsepower, or a turbocharged 2.0-liter four-cylinder with 235 horsepower (estimated). The 2.2-liter diesel option definitely comes from left field, but it’s a welcome surprise with 190 horsepower (3,800 rpm) and 322 lb-ft. of torque between 1,750 – 2,500 rpm. Hyundai says the torque figure is an estimation for now, but that’s still a healthy amount.

All engines are mated to a Hyundai-designed eight-speed automatic, a lighter more efficient transmission replacing the outgoing six-speed. With the extra ratio range, expert better acceleration and improved fuel economy. Among the most interesting features is a multi-disc and individually controlled hydraulic channel torque converter, said to improve responsiveness. Further, the oil pump was downsized and double ball bearings added to minimize friction loss.

The 2019 Hyundai Santa Fe comes in both front and all-wheel drive. It’s your choice.

Photo: Hyundai Motor America.

Walk Around

I admit my bias here, but a quick glance at the new Santa Fe proves just how easy it is on the eyes. Up front is Hyundai’s signature Cascading Grille, followed by a “Composite Light” design which consists of LED daytime running lamps. Hyundai says (and I laughed a bit even) the “wide stance and athletic body makes a statement from 100 feet away.” Well, yes, true but if I personally owned a Santa Fe I would never want to be a 100 feet away from it.

Again, admitting my bias – I will focus – back to our walk around.

Looking at the side, what is most noticeable is the character line that arches from the headlights to the taillights. The outside mirrors are mounted lower and further rearward and the A-pillars have decreased in size. Diamond-cut 19-inch wheels are available for a little extra flare – not exactly necessary for a family vehicle, but still nice to have.

Photo: Hyundai Motor America.

Family Features

Here is where Hyundai really dials in, providing a number of updates and luxury touches inside. The premium treatments include a layered, three-dimensional instrument panel, contrasting seat stitching, and an aircraft-inspired heads-up display. Convenience-wise, the center screen was tilted specifically to reduce glare, the window switches and grab handles were moved forward for more elbow room, and the height and length of the center armrest grew.

The area between the first and second rows was enlarged while the floor was slightly lowered  – these design changes allow for less clutter and more legroom. Total interior volume, if you opt for the third row, is 150.7 cubic feet. Incidentally, the long wheelbase three-row version is renamed “Santa Fe XL” for 2019.

Safety is always a priority for families and the Hyundai Smart Sense package should provide peace of mind. The system includes a number of advanced safety and driver-assist systems like forward collision warning, blind spot detection, lane keeping assist, and rear cross traffic/collision avoidance.

Photo: Hyundai Motor America.

Pricing & Availability

Expect the 2019 Santa Fe at Hyundai dealerships this summer with pricing announced closer to that time. In the meantime, it’s on display at the New York International Auto Show, now through April 8th at the Jacob Javits Convention Center. With sales of more than 1.5 million units, the Santa Fe is Hyundai’s best-selling SUV in the United States.

Carl Anthony is Managing Editor of Automoblog and resides in Detroit, Michigan. He studies mechanical engineering at Wayne State University, serves on the Board of Directors for the Ally Jolie Baldwin Foundation, and is a loyal Detroit Lions fan.

Photos & Source: Hyundai Motor America.

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2019 Lexus UX: At Home In Any Concrete Paradise

The 2019 Lexus UX, the SUV/crossover for well-heeled Urban eXplorers (get it?) just hit the stage at this year’s New York International Auto Show. The UX rides on two powertrains that show it’s for the city, not the country, and definitely not for going off-road in any serious way. Basically, there are two kinds: the front-wheel drive UX 200 with a 2.0-liter four-cylinder engine mated to a Direct-Shift CVT, and the UX 250h, which has an Atikinson Cycle version of the same 2.0-liter gas engine, coupled to a fourth-generation hybrid drive system and eAWD.

Solid Footing

The UX resides on a 103.9-inch wheelbase for a smooth, stable ride and lots of interior space. This, combined with the overall length of 177 inches and a tight turning radius, lets the UX easily fit into convenient, compact-only parking spots. The chassis is Lexus’ first use of the Global Architecture – Compact platform, which the company says is a rigid structure, with a low center of gravity for precise handling and ride comfort.

There are MacPherson struts up front and a double wishbone-type rear suspension, and both are specially tuned for a combination of “urban agility and comfort over well-worn streets.” Electric power steering is also along for the ride with a compact and rigid column assist for crisp, immediate response.

2019 Lexus UX on display at the 2018 New York International Auto Show.

Power & Performance

That new 2.0-liter inline four-cylinder engine delivers 168 horsepower to the front wheels, using multi-hole direct fuel injectors, a continuously variable capacity oil pump, and variable valve-timing on the intake side. The Direct Shift-CVT also debuts in the UX 200, adding a traditional gear set (beginning from a stop) to give the UX quicker, more linear acceleration off the line. The UX 250h hybrid, on the other hand, goes with an Atkinson Cycle version of the 2.0-liter that puts out 176 total system horsepower. It gets 38 combined mpg – not bad all around.

Sadly, if somewhat predictably, the UX 250h model is the only one with all-wheel drive. But hey, these things aren’t for surviving the zombie apocalypse, so you most likely won’t miss it. The UX 250h adds an electric motor to the rear axle; power is distributed between the front and rear axles and automatically optimized when accelerating, cornering, or driving on slippery surfaces. The eAWD control system is clever enough to improve stability by introducing drag (i.e. hitting the brakes on one corner) or adding power to help correct an over or understeer situation.

Photo: Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.

Predictive Insight

The Lexus UX 250h also comes with Predictive Efficient Drive, a system that analyzes driving habits along with road and traffic conditions to optimize charging and discharging of the battery. It’s a pretty trick, if somewhat creepy system, that uses accumulated knowledge about a driver’s behavior to predict when and where the vehicle is likely to slow down or stop. Tied in with the Predictive Efficient Drive system is the Predictive State of Charge control for the battery, a thingy that uses data from the navigation system to predict the optimal times for recharging it.

Connectivity & Security

And yes, since this is the year 2018 and the UX is aimed right at you urbane urban types, it is drowning in connected tech and safety features. There’s Amazon Alexa integration to see to all your music and media needs, read you a Kindle book, and control your swank smart home devices. On board safety features include the Lexus Safety System+, Lane Tracing Assist, Dynamic Radar Cruise Control, Automatic High Beams, and Road Sign Assist. The vehicle can even recognize pedestrians at night and detect cyclists.

Availability & In Person

When the UX goes on sale in December, there will be a new option for those of you that still want a car but do not want to purchase or lease. For the first time, the UX will be offered through a subscription service, which should appeal to a certain younger segment of potential buyers. In the meantime, it’s on display at the New York International Auto Show, now through April 8th at the Jacob Javits Convention Center.

Tony Borroz has spent his entire life racing antique and sports cars. He is the author of Bricks & Bones: The Endearing Legacy and Nitty-Gritty Phenomenon of The Indy 500, available in paperback or Kindle format. Follow his work on Twitter: @TonyBorroz. 

2019 Lexus UX Gallery

Photos & Source: Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A., Inc.

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